My Disasters with Internet Dating

Internet dating has been around since the internet has started back in the early 90's. It was interesting and pretty much everyone on the internet back then were computer geeks and nerds. Now, it is a whole different story. Everybody is on the internet. Even grandmothers and dogs have their own e-mail address. I am happily married now, and no, I didn't meet her on the internet. But before I got married, I've had previous night-outs with people I've meet on the internet with little success.

I got on a website called Click2Asia.com. I signed right up and started chatting in the chatrooms. It didn't take me long to figure out that there were like 99 guys(around my age) and about 10 girls in there. About 2 of the girls were older horny women and about 3 of them already had boyfriends and 3 of them were way too young and the remaining 2 were being hit on by the 99 guys. What the hell!?! Where are all the cute girls at? I stuck around for a few more hours to see if any cuties ever logged on. No matter what, the guys always out-numbered the girls about 10 to 1.

I decided to do something funny, I signed up again under a different handle as an 18 year old blonde on the Asian dating site. Then I started cussing everybody out, but no matter how rude or bluntly insulting I was trying to be, guys always tried to hit on me. Funny. Those idiot guys were just horny, that's all. I quickly put that website on my avoid list.

Another thing I have done was get on, Yahoo Personals. I put up a profile, like you were supposed to and wait for someone to respond. Well, I didn't receive a response until six months later. Some Vietnamese girl was trying to hook me up with her fat sister that was in college in San Diego (about 35 miles away from where I lived at the time). It turned out that her sister had the same last name as me. What the heck? We could've been related or something! I quickly dropped that contact.

My next plan of attack was ICQ. You can download it at www.ICQ.com . It has a cool search thing where you can narrow your search of people to your own zipcode. From there, you can narrow it down to the age and gender of who you wanted to talk to. Very cool. So I put in a search for all 18 year old girls in my zipcode. It came up with over 30 results! Cool! I began looking at all their information. I ended up chatting with a high school girl that worked at Lego Land in Carlsbad, CA. We swapped pictures and such. She was actually pretty cute and interesting to talk to. This is where I learned that girls in California are more "out in the open" than the girls back home in the south. She told me about her date rape experience with her boyfriend. I tried to calm her down. Her boyfriend had forced anal sex on her. The girl was in a lot of pain. I told her to report it to the authorities, but she later told me that she sorta liked it and wanted to try it again... I quickly put her on my ignore list. That wierdo...

Next, I meet a girl that only lived only 4 or 5 miles away from where I was living. She was nice and we swapped photos. She wanted me to meet her at her house. I reluctantly agreed to that request. She seemed to be a really nice person and her photo didn't look too bad. Turned out that she was like 6 feet tall and had a big belly sticking out. I was like, oh my gawd! Her house was tiny, but what do you expect when it is walking distance from the ocean? Anyways, it was too late to call it quits, because I had already gave her my barracks phone number. She had a bunch of nice friends including some gay guy friends. I was totally freaked out when a guy told me I was cute. Ick... We went out a couple of times and I was embarrassed to go out with her. I tried to have fun and see how long the ride was going to take me. I remember her pulling out fried chicken when we went out to the movies. I was thinking, "how did you hide thing???" Gee wiz... She had me stumped. One day she started acting strange and we held a giant bonfire on the beach. We drank a few beers and she invited every guy on the beach and started flirting with everyone. Soon, all our food and beer was gone. I was really angry because I had paid for most of it and I didn't want some strange, horny men eating all my food. Anyways, I had stopped talking to her and I moved to an apartment soon afterwards. But darn it, she still had my e-mail address and kept trying to invite me over. That stalker...

Soon, I moved to Wichita Falls, Texas. I had changed my profile in "Yahoo Personals" to the local zipcode there. I got a response right away. She had low self-esteem and I tried to cheer her up. She never had a boyfriend and she was 2 years younger than me. She was really, really nice too and she lived up north in Lawton, Oklahoma. She wouldn't send me a photo until we had agreed to meet up somewhere. I told her, "sure why not?" We swapped pictures. When I saw the picture, I wanted to cover up my eyes. I had never seen such an UGLY girl before. Her nose was really big, her eyes were small and squinty and her head was large and oval shaped. She had long straight nappy hair that looked like it was cut off at the shoulders with a butter knife. She had asked me what I thought. Being the nice guy I am, I told her that she was cute. I didn't want to totally shatter her self-esteem. I never replied to her e-mails ever again. That nasty girl...

My last and final internet dating experience was when I was stationed in Lemoore, CA right before I meet my future wife. Once again, I changed my profile on Yahoo Personals to the correct zipcode. I had several responses within the first week. One turned out to be a drug addict, one was an older school teacher with four kids(a.k.a. leftover baggage from previous relationships), and one was a super-model living in Los Angeles. Obviously, I sent out an e-mail to the super-model asking why she responded to my personals. She sent me an e-mail with her website address. Turned out she was a stripper and she wanted to have sex for money. Umm... No way.

Now you see why I think internet dating is complete crap. I ended up meeting the girl of my dreams in a GYM(fitness center) and shortly afterwards, married her. Looks do matter, because if I was to look at someone for the rest of my life and have kids with her, it might as well be an attractive girl. If you want a cute, athletic girl, go to the gym and take your pick!

The lesson of today's topic is: "Look in the right place for the right people." Examples will be: Gym = attractive, athletic, outgoing... Bookstore = older, mature, smart... Highschool = underage, innocent school girl... Internet = ugly, fat, lonely and wants your money